I read an a super cool article a Facebook friend posted about forgiveness recently. Forgiveness in much larger sense than my own but the resultant healing is the same. I read it processed it but still the anger would surface. I asked myself again. Do I really forgive these people if I am still this angry? Can I really forgive these people? I'd forgotten the words and feelings in the article. I needed to process these feelings for myself and will likely continue to need to come to this space of forgiveness for myself and for my children so that I can continue to be happy and healthy in *my* head and my heart. Forgiveness in a really big way. So what does Forgiveness look like and mean to me? How do I forgive huge wrongs done against me by people who may or may not ever understand the pain and hurt that they caused? It doesn't mean I will forget, that I will ever be a friend to those people, that what that those people did was okay then, now or ever! I will forgive but I will never forget or trust those people again. I *can't* forget or trust those people as much as WANT to believe the best in people, some people just can't or won't do the right thing.
Forgiveness means I understand that wrong thinking that brought that person or people to chose to hurt me personally. I understand the path that may have brought them to that space. I know the heart/s that aches to be cared for but can not go about it the right way. I understand the pain, fear, rejection, self-doubt that lives in some people's hearts. It means I wish no ill will toward people who hurt me. I honestly hope that someday these people find happiness and the love they wish to hold. It means I understand MY own self-doubt, pain, and fear of rejection which caused me to make choices that allowed this unhealthy thinking and continued pain into my life and the lives of my children. AND most of all, I forgive myself.
I was so angry at myself but I forgave myself first because that's where it all starts. Because that is what *I* need to do to have peace and growth in My head and my heart. It means I may still be angry at times with myself and with the people who hurt me but long term anger is not healthy for me so I chose not to live in that space. I accept my anger, though. They may never understand even how they hurt me and others, why they hurt people, how to love and accept love but I forgive them. I will continue to hope for a path of love, happiness and peace in those people's lives but the only life that is mine to truly change is my own and FORGIVENESS is MY path.
Here are the words I need to remember so that I can continue to forgive and grow and find peace.
"In my experience, anger is a seed for war. Healthy, happy people do not start wars. Some people take out their anger on their children, or on themselves. But if you look at people who forgive, they are at peace with themselves. Therefore, forgiveness is a seed for peace. When I forgave Mengele, and then all the Nazis, and then anyone who had ever hurt me, I felt a tremendous burden lifted from my shoulders. I realized that although I was liberated in 1945, I was not free until I forgave in 1995." https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/should-holocaust-survivors-forgive-the-nazis_us_59861cbbe4b00833d1de2888
'“The day I forgave the Nazis, privately I forgave my parents whom I hated all my life for not having saved me from Auschwitz. Children expect their parents to protect them; mine couldn’t. And then I forgave myself for hating my parents.” Her statement sums up the intricate nature of forgiveness: it can ensure the pain of the past does not dictate the path of the future. For many it is an act of self-healing: as Kor herself has said, “I forgave the Nazis not because they deserve it but because I deserve it.”' https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/may/01/forgiving-abuse-not-forgetting-auschwitz-eva-kor
"For Kor, forgiveness does not mean that the perpetrators are absolved of their crimes. She is the founder of the CANDLES (Children of Auschwitz Nazi Deadly Lab Experiments Survivors) Holocaust Museum and Education Center in Terre Haute, Ind., and she speaks across the country about her experience and the power of forgiveness.
"My forgiveness ... has nothing to do with the perpetrator, has nothing to do with any religion, it is my act of self-healing, self-liberation and self-empowerment," she says. "I had no power over my life up to the time that I discovered that I could forgive, and I still do not understand why people think it's wrong."
Kor says that when a victim chooses to forgive, they take the power back from their tormentors. But that it is their choice to make.
"They can take a piece of paper and a pen and write a letter to someone who hurt them," she says. "Please do not mail it to that person. It's for you to know that you forgive, and you can go on with your life without the burden and pain that the Nazis or anybody else ever imposed on you."' https://www.npr.org/2015/05/24/409286734/its-for-you-to-know-that-you-forgive-says-holocaust-survivor
Life and Health Update soon but today mental health healing and processing also so important for moving forward.
Forgiveness means I understand that wrong thinking that brought that person or people to chose to hurt me personally. I understand the path that may have brought them to that space. I know the heart/s that aches to be cared for but can not go about it the right way. I understand the pain, fear, rejection, self-doubt that lives in some people's hearts. It means I wish no ill will toward people who hurt me. I honestly hope that someday these people find happiness and the love they wish to hold. It means I understand MY own self-doubt, pain, and fear of rejection which caused me to make choices that allowed this unhealthy thinking and continued pain into my life and the lives of my children. AND most of all, I forgive myself.
I was so angry at myself but I forgave myself first because that's where it all starts. Because that is what *I* need to do to have peace and growth in My head and my heart. It means I may still be angry at times with myself and with the people who hurt me but long term anger is not healthy for me so I chose not to live in that space. I accept my anger, though. They may never understand even how they hurt me and others, why they hurt people, how to love and accept love but I forgive them. I will continue to hope for a path of love, happiness and peace in those people's lives but the only life that is mine to truly change is my own and FORGIVENESS is MY path.
Here are the words I need to remember so that I can continue to forgive and grow and find peace.
"In my experience, anger is a seed for war. Healthy, happy people do not start wars. Some people take out their anger on their children, or on themselves. But if you look at people who forgive, they are at peace with themselves. Therefore, forgiveness is a seed for peace. When I forgave Mengele, and then all the Nazis, and then anyone who had ever hurt me, I felt a tremendous burden lifted from my shoulders. I realized that although I was liberated in 1945, I was not free until I forgave in 1995." https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/should-holocaust-survivors-forgive-the-nazis_us_59861cbbe4b00833d1de2888
'“The day I forgave the Nazis, privately I forgave my parents whom I hated all my life for not having saved me from Auschwitz. Children expect their parents to protect them; mine couldn’t. And then I forgave myself for hating my parents.” Her statement sums up the intricate nature of forgiveness: it can ensure the pain of the past does not dictate the path of the future. For many it is an act of self-healing: as Kor herself has said, “I forgave the Nazis not because they deserve it but because I deserve it.”' https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/may/01/forgiving-abuse-not-forgetting-auschwitz-eva-kor
"For Kor, forgiveness does not mean that the perpetrators are absolved of their crimes. She is the founder of the CANDLES (Children of Auschwitz Nazi Deadly Lab Experiments Survivors) Holocaust Museum and Education Center in Terre Haute, Ind., and she speaks across the country about her experience and the power of forgiveness.
"My forgiveness ... has nothing to do with the perpetrator, has nothing to do with any religion, it is my act of self-healing, self-liberation and self-empowerment," she says. "I had no power over my life up to the time that I discovered that I could forgive, and I still do not understand why people think it's wrong."
Kor says that when a victim chooses to forgive, they take the power back from their tormentors. But that it is their choice to make.
"They can take a piece of paper and a pen and write a letter to someone who hurt them," she says. "Please do not mail it to that person. It's for you to know that you forgive, and you can go on with your life without the burden and pain that the Nazis or anybody else ever imposed on you."' https://www.npr.org/2015/05/24/409286734/its-for-you-to-know-that-you-forgive-says-holocaust-survivor
Life and Health Update soon but today mental health healing and processing also so important for moving forward.
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